So Sad about Facebook

Carrying a bit of sunshine.

Carrying a bit of sunshine.

Was I ever surprised when an old boyfriend of mine looked me up on Facebook!

He used to be a good-lookin’ devil, I tell ya. He had the same kind of face as Mikhael Baryshnikov, and he was independent and creative, and…

I was a graduate student in a shitty old linguistics program, getting a pretty useless degree, going nowhere, thinking about going into the Peace Corps. He gave me a little glimpse at other minds and other worlds.

But he was a playboy and he liked women from his own country. He dumped me twice.

Oh, now I can say I was weak and stupid. Then, I got obsessed with him and it felt like a cosmic wall of indifference slammed down in front of me and I began to beat my head ernestly against it. Thoughts twirled around my head like stars and tweeting birds. My stomach felt kicked all the time.

Finally I saw the wall, and I realized there was no window to look through and nothing for me to do but sit back and rest my weary head on the nice, cold sidewalk of life alone.

What I took from that experience was, I can’t find anything in someone who won’t be there, and so I have to take whatever God put inside of me, and make do.

Twenty or more years later I’m married, mother of two teens, and heavy FaceBook user. My old teacher looks me up and we have such a fun time talking!

That is, until I find out he hates Jews, (I’m not a Jew but if you are, you’re safe with me.) He will not hear anything negative about our UN leader, President Obama, and he, well, he actually hates America and especially conservatives, and he wants us all to be more like Mother Russia.

Just writing about this, I realize that I am raising the negative attractor pattern again. I am a human being and I can’t be any better than I am right now, and as I write this I’m trying hard to realize that those who disagree with me politically may be feeling just as threatened as I am, and just as frightened, and just as angry.

But I don’t want to be attacking people. I want to talk about ideas.

How can I love someone and yet we are so different that we might be like Serbs and Croats someday? Or two brothers on opposite sides of the Civil War, shooting one another? Or like a heart torn into two. And I tell you, this is not necessary. This is human beings with axes to grind, using me and my old friend for the game of positional dependency. They need us to be enemies, even though we are not. I don’t understand how this is happening but here’s one article of faith I live by:

We are not in control of anything. The one who put the patterns in place made us part of the patterns. All I ask is to learn how to accept my problems and work with the patterns instead of against them. I believe that way I will find mercy.

That “old someone” willfully mischaracterized who I am, where I come from and what I stand for. And I am glad to cut that energy cord and try now to be among better friends, and be a better friend now that I can.


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